Everthing's Not Lost and Found
by calicoskies4ever
Summary: Alternate ending to season seven episode Fracture, in which Clark decides that Lex is worth trying to help after all. Lots of spoilers. Warning: descriptions of child sexual abuse, violence, language, and Lex/Clark slash. Please review; no flames.
1. Briefcase

Alternate ending to season seven episode_ Fracture,_ in which Clark decides that Lex is worth trying to help after all. Warning contains graphic description of child sexual abuse, violence, language, and a slash relationship between Lex Luthor and Clark Kent. Also, I think the whole Grant Gabriel thing was really fucking stupid, so I'm completely deleting it from my Smallville universe.

"Are you alright?  
All the sudden you went away.  
Are you alright?  
I hope you come back around someday.  
Are you alright?  
I haven't seen you in a real long time.  
Are you alright?  
Could you give me some kind of sign?  
Are you alright?  
I looked around me and you were gone.  
Are you alright?  
I feel like there must be something wrong.  
Are you alright?  
'Cause it seems like you disappeared.  
Are you alright?  
'Cause I been feeling a little scared.  
Are you alright," Lucinda Williams.

"I know about the briefcase," I said, stepping into Lex's office at the mansion. Lex's body stiffened at the mentioned of the B-word, and he cringed, involuntarily. I think the worst part of what I had done was that I knew he'd respond this way if I stormed in (frightening him) and dredged up painful memories. I had been trying to think up something smart to say to him, a way to explain what I knew, how I knew it, and everything else, but I knew it needed t happen. I knew I had to come here.

"Sorry, about that Clark; it's like a reflex. I see you and I start defending myself," he snipped, recovering amazingly (again) but the whole time I'd been in there (a full five minutes), he hadn't looked me in the eyes once."

"You were in a coma, from getting shot—so I...we used the machine from Project Intercept, to get me into your head, and find you, help you. What? Why are you shaking your head at me like that?"

"You were just trying to find Lois, and your cousin. I called the farm twice, to tell you that Kara was in Detroit with amnesia. Lana hung up me before I could say a word. You went into my head to find them, not me. If I had been conscious you would of _beaten_ the answer out of me."

"There's still good in you; I saw it. I also saw you playing with toy soldiers, and then your dad burst in, yelling about his briefcase. He dragged you around the room, hit you, and then he hit your mom, and she got mad and yelled at you for not taking the blame for her. Something about Veritas." This time Lex did lift his eyes away from the papers on his desk. I saw the same doe-eyed horrorstruck face from before, and felt like somebody had just hit _me_, hard in the stomach.

"Snooping around in somebody's private life is generally considered a bad habit. Have any idea what the legal ramifications of being a peeping Tom are? Not that it matters, _why_ would you go digging through my personal memories, especially one so—insignificant."

"Lionel, your father, used to knock you around, hurt you, for basically no reason, and you don't think that had an effect on which you've become?" I felt bad for yelling at him over this, mainly because, for a couple of months after I got out of his head, every time I looked at him, I saw that same five or six-year-old Alexander, and it made me feel like crap to treat a kid like that.

"I'm bigger now, can fight back when I have to. Besides, he's not really much of a threat anymore. So, my father's an asshole, so what? At least my parents didn't completely abandon me."

"My biological parents, and my mom and dad—the Kents, took care of me like I was their own kid! Look, Lex, I get it. You're scared that everybody's gonna hurt you, so when you were little you walled yourself off, to be safe, for protection, but I'm not like Lionel, or any of the other people that hurt you. I mean, I haven't exactly treated you perfectly, but I'm not gonna stop being here. I love you. I will always love you." Lex cringed, again, but it was a lot smaller now. This time when Lex lifted his head to look up at me, I saw that small twinkle in his eyes, like maybe he actually believed it, but then the look was gone, almost as quickly as it came. "I'm sorry."

"What exactly do you want from me, Clark?" he asked, starting to sound annoyed. I watched as he shifted in the chair, his shoulder's still hunched over, and his eyes had the scared look from before.

"What—I love you, and I want us to get back together. I wanna hold you, and love you, and be here for you from now on, for ever and ever and ever, and…I wanna make you happy."

"Don't be stupid," he said, angrily, switching back from almost trusting me to hating me.

"I saw the way he grabbed you, pulling your body right into his waist."

"Clark…"

"His hands stroking your face, touching you in that weird, strange way."

"I am not joking about this."

"The things he said to you, and the way he said them. I couldn't help but…"

"I'm serious, Clark. Stop it!" he ordered, and I could hear his heart beating really quickly, and he was starting to hyperventilate. He was really freaking out, and he wanted me to stop, but I knew I had to do this. We'd never be able to make things work out if we weren't honest, and I wanted us to tell each other everything.

"Tell me what he did to you," I pleaded, placing my hand on top of his, gently. Lex pulled away from my touch. "Sorry. I'm so sorry. What if—what if I told you my secret too? I didn't—I never wanted to lie to you, but I was a scared kid when we met, and I didn't really understand what was happening to me."

"And two years ago? I suppose you were just a scared little boy then too? Or how about when you dumped me? Where you a scared kid on that day? That's a great excuse Clark, but it's total bullshit."

"We both knew things were over between us. It was only a matter of time before things—you're just mad that you didn't get to be the one to end the relationship."

"Go to Hell," he spat, but looked at me like maybe he _did_ want us to get back together as much as I did. "Look, I don't—I spent half my life, God I can't believe I'm even telling you this. I spent half my life being scared to even look at him the wrong way, and the other half trying to forget what he did. I managed to push it into the back of my mind, and if you hadn't—you have no right to come in here and put me through all of this again!"

"I love you, and I never wanted to hurt you in any way. All I ever wanted was for us to be happy, but I guess it just—we, Lex, I didn't mean to…okay, here goes nothing. I'm from another planet, okay?" For a long time, an hour, or two, or three, he just sat there, staring at me, like I had just said…well what I had said was enough to make anyone think I was insane. "My parents died when it exploded, but they sent me here in a ship, that landed during the first meteor shower. I have all these abilities, strength and speed, and I can see through things, heat and set stuff on fire with my eyes, freeze things with my breath. That day on the bridge…you were right. I feel in love with you then, and ever since that day I've been watching over you, trying to come up with a way to explain everything." Lex still sat there, staring at me, and I was pretty sure he didn't believe me. I was even planning to demonstrate my abilities when Alexander appeared again. I mean he didn't physically show up, but it was as if that part of his personality completely took over. "It's okay, Buddy. I'm here." The kid nodded, his eyes turned down to stare at his shoes.

"He was really scary, sometimes," Alexander admitted at last. "I dunno. It always seemed like no matter what I did, he got mad at me. Our house was so big, that he could get into my room and do stuff, without anybody finding out. This one time he came in and started screaming at me, 'cuz I had knocked over his briefcase earlier when I was playing with my toy train. Then he knocked me down, and," he paused, shivering slightly, shaking his head. I jumped up out of my seat, and raced around so I was standing behind his desk.

"Okay, it's alright now. I'm here. Would you mind if I hugged you?" I asked, carefully standing beside him. Alexander nodded, throwing himself at me, as the two of us sank down to the floor beneath the window.

"Sorry, I know I'm not supposeda act like this, but sometimes I can't help it. _Stupid, stupid boy, weak and pathetic_," he said in such a way that told me he'd heard it from his father.

"You're not weak, or pathetic. You are the strongest person I have ever met. Hey, can you look at me?" I asked, waiting for him to meet my eyes. "Really, you are—it's one of the reasons I love you so much. You're stronger than me." He actually sort of snorted when I said that. "Well you can't beat me up, but you already survived more than I ever could."

"Big deal, I'm alive, but I'm also _nuts_! He said, "I love you, Lex. My son," today, and I—lost it. He lied to me, right before too. Had to run all the way to my car to yell and cry for like an hour and a half." Then we both sat on the floor, leaning against the wall, with the sun beating down on our backs through the window. Lex smelled slightly of brandy and tears.

"Do you think he really meant it, or was this just another one of his cruel tricks?" I asked, gently running my hand up and down his back. He looked into my eyes for a while, as though I might have the answer, and then shrugged. "If you ever need me to snap his neck or something, I'll do it, okay? Just tell me."

"Then you'd go to jail, and it would be my fault, which would make you hate me again," Lex reminded me. "I should probably say thank you for the offer though."

"You don't have to do that."

"This isn't easy for me, but I am trying. So, either shut up for two seconds while I try and figure this out, or turn around and walk out on me again."

"I didn't want to do that the first time, Lex, but we were fighting all the time, keeping things from each other. You spied on me for years, and lied about pretty much everything."

"I lied? What about your lies? Don't they count, or are you absolved because you're one of the good guys and I'm the evil villain?"

"We _both_ lied, a lot, and that was a huge part of the problem. I mean, I only told Lana—actually I didn't tell her. She sort of figured it out by herself, and then talked to Lionel and he filled in the missing details."

"He knows? You told _him_ before you told me?"

"No! When Jor-el took over your—dad's body, to save my life," he got all my biological father's memories, or some of them, and he came to our house on the night of my election to try and blackmail my dad. Later he used the same information to get close to my mom and now I think they're sleeping together."

"Oh, good, now we really can be brothers," he said in that annoying, but oh so sexy voice. Almost as soon as the thought came to me, I hated myself for forcing that poor, sweet little boy version of Lex and sex into the same sentence. "The briefcase was always his big thing," Lex murmured and I wasn't sure if he was whispering because he knew I could hear it, and was ashamed to say it loudly, or if he was scared and didn't really want to talk about it. "He could say I did something to his briefcase, even if I hadn't, and then if I told him I didn't do anything, dear old dad just calls me a liar, tells me to take my punishment like a man."

"He raped you as a punishment for going through his briefcase?" I asked, but it came out sounding really cruel. Weirdly Lex didn't respond badly to what I'd said. What was even weirder was that he barely responded to it at all.

"No, that came later, at night. He beat the shit out of me, for "messing up" or "going through" his work papers—usually I didn't even do it. He only took me to the hospital if it looked like something was broken really bad. Once, I walked around with a busted wrist for two days, because my mom was sick and nobody else was around that week. Dad didn't—he kept tellin' me to stop whining. When he was done hitting me, I got sent to my room, for the rest of the day. After I was supposed to go to bed, the door—I could always see the knob turn, and the door swing open. This streak of light would come in from the hall. He used to, at least I think he was drinking, 'cuz he smelled like scotch and sweat… He sits down on the edge of the bed. Says, "hey Buddy, listen. About earlier, I," hand on my head, fingers in my hair, he pauses, and puts the other hand on my, in my—inside my PJs. "I over-reacted before, and there was no reason for me to do so. You're a good little guy, aren't you? No, shh, shh. Just relax. I don't want to hurt you. This is okay. It's not bad. I just want to show my boy how deeply I care, just—hey, hey, come here. That's my good boy. Shh, no tears." Then he—he kissed the top of my head one last time before leaving. Whu—what the fuck are you doing. Get off a me," Lex shouted, and yet I knew it was the last thing he wanted.

"No, I'm sorry, but I can't let go. I love you. I—Lex, it's okay. I can protect you now that I know. Right now, you need me to hold you. I—I can relax my grip. I can move so my—so I'm not touching certain parts of you. I can…"

"No," he told me firmly. "You're right. I just. This is a weak moment for me. Nobody's supposed to see this." Lex was furious with me and his dad, and everybody and everything else in the universe, but at the same time he wanted to trust and love me. He had been through so much that the good inside of him had been all but destroyed. Now he wanted to be happy, and loved more than anything else. There was a problem though. Lex had done a lot of horrible things, hurt so many people, screwed up, and his mistakes had cost a lot of innocent people their lives. A lot of people hated Lex—with good reason—and we both knew this was going to be difficult as all Hell. "I'm here, and I won't let anybody hurt you, not now, not ever again."

"I wanna. I want. Clark, this is really fucking difficult, but I am trying. You gotta try too, okay? So don't dick around, screw with, or lie to me. And if you dump me again, Clark I—just don't do it, please."

"I promise, it will never happen again," when I said this, Lex watched me carefully for what seemed like an extraordinarily long time, like he was trying to figure out whether or not he should (could) trust me. Looking at his face, I was hardly able to believe he'd been shot in the head and was all but dead for a whole day. "Are you okay?" I asked, which sounded stupid, but I was hopping he knew what I was trying to get at."


	2. The Boy Inside The Man

AN: some OOC in this chapter, mainly because Lex has some serious psychological issues, and dealing with them would make anyone behave strangely.

"Tell everybody  
waitin' for Superman,  
that they should try to hold on  
best they can.  
He hasn't dropped them,  
forgot them,  
or anything.  
It's just too heavy for Superman to lift," The Flaming Lips

"No, I'm really messed up. Oh you meant—it doesn't hurt, my head doesn't hurt, but…I uh, I'm scared sometimes. Some—it's just, I. Clark, I am so sorry," he whispered, pressing his face into my chest. "After the meteor shower, he was horrified, and disgusted with me. Didn't touch, or come anywhere near me for years, and by then, wasn't the right age anymore. Sometimes he still—hit, me but no more sex stuff. I actually kind of liked it. Never happened again, but I was always really afraid of him. Hell, he's a _good _person now and I', still terrified of him."

"I'm not sure he is such a good guy. He doesn't want you to turn out like the Lex in your head, but then again who would? Lex, there were two—personalities in there, a kid, a little boy with red hairs, and just the biggest, sweetest eyes, and then there was this other guy," I let my voice trail off, not at all sure how to put the rest of it. Luckily I seemed to be dealing with the good part of him, or at least the part that understood.

"Yeah, I know. It's been this way for a while. He—doesn't like me very much. I think I can make things work now—because I have you to protect me. Thanks for coming back, means a lot. Can wee—do you think—some of the stuff you've been saying helps. It makes me feel better, hearing it." As bad as I had felt when Lex had flinched because of my remark about the briefcase, my guilt increased about a million times when he said I was making him feel better—that what I said was making him feel good. I was the one who had hurt him in the first place, and yet he was thanking me. _God I hate myself,_ I thought. "Please, Clark, just tell me I'm safe, and say "I love you" or something again."

"Of course I love you, Lex. I always have, always will, and now that I know about your problem—now that I know what Lionel did, I can protect you, from him and anyone else," I promised, gently rubbing his back very softly. "I'm here now, and I love you. I won't ever let anybody hurt you again." He nodded, quietly.

"You feel bad, right? You're acting like you feel guilty, which you shouldn't. Clark, you didn't do this to me. _He_'_s_ the one who used to beat the crap out of me. He was the one who—touched me. I don't love talking about what happened, ad I get freaked out even thinking about it, but that's not on you."

"I brought it up, and then forced you to tell me what your dad did when it was the last thing you wanted to talk about, especially with me," I reminded him, but Lex only shrugged, and snuggled closer to me on the floor beneath the window.

"I think I haven't completely forgiven you yet, but uh, well, what I'm trying to say is, I, even though we're having problems, you're the only person I've felt comfortable enough with to talk about this. I'm gonna need to talk about what happened, eventually, and. Anyway, you are helping, a lot, and I can deal with it, if it hurts a little to get there. I love you too Clark."

"I love you so much, and I never, ever stopped. That's the reason I kept on stopping by to see you, why I wanted to keep coming by, even when we weren't actually together anymore."

"That, plus the sex," he added, quietly. I was about to apologize when he added, "it's okay. I liked sex with you. Was always gentle, kind, and you never tried to hold me down and…you know. It's gonna stay that way right?"

"Of course they won't—I mean, I'll be nicer now, and I'm going to stick around afterwards, but otherwise, I guess yeah it'll be the same as before." Lex put his head back down on my chest, as I stroked his back. A minute passed without either of us saying a word, then five, ten, fifteen, and then I felt wetness on my stomach, coming through my shirt. "Lex, are you crying?" I asked, even though I already knew the answer. He didn't respond. I could hear the slow, soft beating of his relaxed heart, and a hum coming from the heating unit. "There you go. Just stay calm, let it all out, okay?" Alexander nodded, still pressed right up against me, and his body started to quake for abut half an hour. Then he simply sat, limply, breathing slowly. It only took an instant to realize he had fallen asleep, but I spent almost an hour debating whether or not to move his body somewhere else. I carefully lifted him up and raced to the only bedroom I'd ever been in, not sure whether or not he still slept in there. I lay his body out on the bed, tucked the covers around him tightly so nobody could get to him, and I pulled a chair up beside the bed, sitting where I could watch over him. Later, he woke sleepily, and started to look all around the room.

"Where am I?" he asked, startled, slowly seeming to figure it out on his one. "Well, at least it's _my_ room. Just—how did I get all the way up here? Did you carry me? You can lift me?"

"I can lift stuff a lot heavier than that. If you want I could demonstrate my abilities," I suggested, realizing that he could easily misinterpret what I said. "I didn't mean—uh—I won't set anything on fire, and I would never hurt you, okay?"

"Don't break any of my stuff either."

"I wasn't planning on it," I explained. "If it's okay with you, we can go back to your study and I can pick up the pool table…unless that would freak you out." I said this carefully because even though I'd explained my abilities, I knew it was a completely different thing to see them. Lex still had this look on his face like he didn't believe me.

"You can lift the pool table? More than that? More than two? A car? More than one? How much exactly can you pick up?" he asked, more intrigued than anything else, like a scientist.

"Well—um, my freshman year in high school I stacked a bunch of the jock's cars on top of each other. It was really cool. Actually, I never told anybody that I did that, because I couldn't say I did it without explaining who I am, what I am. But that was a couple—six years ago, and I'm a lot stronger now."

"Do you think you could lift a bus? Pick it up, I mean."

"Only if it was empty. I wouldn't wanna hurt any of the people, even though I don't think it would be too heavy even with them." Alexander lifted his head, and looked at me, almost smiling. "Yeah, I could easily beat him up, or worse. I will protect you from now on, forever." He patted the bed next to his body, and I looked him over carefully. "I don't think it would be a good idea for us to, do that, right now. You've been kind of—upset today, and I'm not, I won't hurt you."

"I just like the way it felt when you were holding me earlier. I—it was, I almost, kind of, made me feel safe." In half an instant I went from the chair to the bed, Lex's mattress bouncing under us a little. "Thanks. So—you could always do that? It's really cool. I guess—how many times did you race in just in time to save me?"

"I have no idea. A lot, but there's no limit on how many times I can. Like I said before…"

"Yeah," he whispered, smiling a little, and running his hand over the back of his head. "He really liked my hair. Used to pull and tug on it, run his fingers through my curls. I didn't even mind when it went away, 'cuz I lost my asthma too, and I was able to run away anytime he tried to come near me. Not that he tried any of those kinds of things after the meteor shower. Wait—you said nothing can hurt you, but I've seen you get injured."

"The rocks—Kryptonite—weaken me, and if I'm near them for a long enough time…theoretically, I could die."

"Lionel knows all of this?" he asked, his eyes slightly wet, close to tears. "For a couple of months after—he never he looked at me. And then I just—he caught me playing with something in his office. BAM, BAM," Alexander shouted, slapping his hand across an invisible body in front of him. "Stayed up all night, waiting, worrying, but he never came. After that, I never cared, just as long s it—as long as." Lex was either unable or unwilling to finish his sentence so I held him again. This time didn't last as long and there weren't any tears. "I—is it okay if I'm still a little mad at you?"

"Because I left?" He shook his head. "Because I lied, and kept things from you for so long?" A nod. "It's okay. I'm a little mad about the things you did, but I know that—if we take the time—we'll be able to forgive each other. Everything is going to be all right this time. Promise."

"Promise," he said, sounding more than a little sad and scared.

"It's okay. I was making the promise because I know, because you seemed to do better when I say things that way, but—I know you can do this, but if you're not ready to say it, or if you aren't sure, then you don't have to promise me anything right now. It's okay. I trust you Lex; I love you, and I'm here. I'll always be here."

"You really are my best friend," he said, as if he hadn't expected to see me ever again. "You're not one of the Green Arrow's friends, are you?" The word friends came out as more of an accusation than anything else.

"Well, I never slept with him, if that's what you're employing, but uh—no. I'm not on his team, not really. Not all the. One time I did help them out, but I'm not a permanent fixture or anything."

"So you know who he really is? Who they all are?" The look on his face then was quite sinister. "No," he said forcefully, but in a quiet voice. "I'm sorry. This isn't easy. There's no switch in the back of my head, "good guy," or "bad guy." I guess I'm going to need some time to get used to the changes, and I'm gonna need you to be patient with me. IF I start to get into one of my moods, or I say something bad, don't—you won't be angry with me, will you?"

"I can tell sometimes when you're about to—you make this face, sucked in lips, squinted eyes, and the rest of your face gets all smooshed up. Should I say something, or do you wanna figure it out on your own?" I explained, trying to demonstrate, but not doing a very good job. A couple of hours had passed, and it was now dark out, with the moon shining in through the window, giving the room a dark, almost romantic quality.

"I don't look as bad as all that, do I?" Lex asked, but it took me a minute to realize he was making fun of m, because he'd said it so seriously. So I smiled a little, and shook my head, while Lex pushed himself up against my body, with a little smile of his own. "You can tell me, but don't be mean about it. Go easy on me, for now, and in time I'll be able to talk about everything."

"You should know that no matter what time it is, no matter what's going on, or where I am, if you need me, just holler, and I'll come find you…if we're not already together. You can tell me anything, but only when you're ready."

"Is that door locked?" he asked, in a slightly nervous tone. I stood up, raced to the door, locked it (hating myself for not thinking of that before) and came back to the bed. "Wow. Our house was really big but," he sighed. "I think Lionel used to worry about someone walking in on us sometimes. I remember he used to take me to work with him." He paused for a long time. "In his office, with the door closed…" Lex shook his head, an almost angry expression on his face. "I knew better than to scream or cry, or call for help, and his secretary knew better than to come in unless he asked for her. Eventually didn't even lock the door." I held him for a long time, unsure as to what to say.

"You don't have to work in that office now, do you? Sorry, I'm sorry. That was really stupid of me. I just didn't know what to," Lex put his finger over my lips, and then leaned in, and kissed me quickly on the cheek. "Are you sure this is okay? I don't want to…" Lex went back to sitting with his head resting against my chest, closed his eyes, and wrapped his arms around me like I was a lifeboat.

"I get my own office. I think it used to belong to…somebody who got fired, or laid off, or quit. It's safe, but I can't stand being in that building unless I have to. When he first sent me here, I pretended to be pissed off, but mostly it was just a show. I liked living in Smallville. You were here. You saved me, were nice to me; you were even a friend to me."

"Plus Lionel had never been here."

"I thought I'd implied as much, dumba—sorry, Clark. I shouldn't have said that. It's just. I want. I've hated him for so long, been mad at you for so long I'm not sure I know how to feel anything else. I wanna trust him. It would be even better if he would apologize, but he won't. He's never once, I mean, he only said "I love you for the first time yesterday, so the whole apology thing's probably not going to happen.

I didn't really know what to say except, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I lied to you, sorry about all the secrets and fighting. I'm sorry we didn't stay together. I'm sorry you got stuck with Lionel as a father, sorry for all the crap he put you through, and the pain he caused, and I'm sorry I didn't let him die when I had the chance." Lex started up at me for a while, as though I might be trying to rick him. He touched my mouth, cheeks and hair. His eyes stared right into mine, lips pursed and turned downward. He studied me for another ten or fifteen minutes before saying anything.

"Thanks Clark, but. It's not exactly what I've been waiting for. Don't get me wrong, yours was nice but—well, you're not Lionel."

"I've always thought that was one of my best qualities," I said in the hopes of lightening the mood a little. Lex smiled briefly as if to let me know that he did find my joke funny, before yawning, lying down, and falling asleep.

That night I stayed awake, holding his body in my arms, while Lex slept on and off for no more than an hour at a time. By the next morning he looked and (probably) felt even more ragged than when he'd gone to bed. Finally he sat up in bed, leaning back a little; I heard his spine crack slightly, as the muscles and bones shifted. The room was brightly sunlit again, and when I gazed at the alarm clock next to the bed, I saw the time in neon red digits: 9:17. "Wanna go downstairs and have some breakfast?" I asked. Lex nodded, standing and turning his body away from me, reaching for his robe, then putting something back. "Is something wrong?"

"Well no, not really, maybe a little, yes. I don't know if _he_'_s _downstairs, and I have having him see me in—am I still wearing yesterdays clothes?" he asked, as though he had only just noticed.

"I didn't wanna take your clothes off while you were asleep, 'cuz I was scared you might think I was trying to…hurt you. So I just took your shoes off, and tucked the covers all around your body."

"Well then I defiantly need to change, but—thank you." Lex went to his dresser, picked out a shirt, underpants, and socks, and then grabbed a pair of slacks from the closet. I turned around while he changed (even though I'd seen him naked more times than I could count) and the two of us walked down to the kitchen together. Naturally, we got downstairs only to discover Lionel eating breakfast, and reading the _Wall Street Journal. _

"Why Clark, I wasn't expecting to see you here today. Did you just arrive?" he asked in that haughty tone of his. He knew I'd spent the night, and was (probably) hoping to get a vicarious erection off of our tryst. He wanted to hear all the dirty details. I watched, horrified, as Lionel's hand slipped under the table, and into his pocket. Even Lex could see it, and he flinched, stepping beside me.

"Lex, would you—I mean, uh—did you wanna go see that thing, back at my place?" I asked, turning around and taking his hands in mine, smiling at him, with a little wink. "We can take the Ferrari, and maybe I can drive, please?" I couldn't have cared less either way, but I wanted Lionel to think I did.

"No, I can—I can face him. I—what do you want from me, _father_?" I'm not sure who was more surprised at Lex's behavior, although I had a feeling that his didn't understand why this was happening, which made his shock worse.

"Lex, Son, what's wrong with you?" he asked, standing up and making his way to our side. "You're shaking. Are there—are you having complications from, yesterday? You're not ill are you? Whatever it is, you can tell me." There was actual, genuine concern in Lionel's voice, and if it weren't for Lex's fingernails digging into my arm, I would have told him everything.

"Dad, if you don't mind, Clark and I just want to have breakfast together, alone I mean. So if you don't mind, I think we'll be taking our meal in a different room, that is, unless you want to chain me to a chair."

"Of course I don't _mind_, Son, but if you really are having some sort of a problem then don't you think you should—talk to me about it? Hmm?" he asked, standing up, despite the minor physical problem, a bulge in an awkward location. At this point Lex really did hide behind me. "So this—what is it, exactly that you're afraid of?"

"You," he whispered so softly that I barely heard it. "Gee, Dad, I don't know? Is there something I ought to be afraid of? Have I been a bad boy? Did I go through your briefcase, or maybe color on some important papers? Perhaps you wanna slam me into a wall, break my arm, or maybe you just wanna hold me down and jam it in me again. Whatever you're gonna try and do, I think I can handle myself now."

"Lex, what the Hell is going on with you?" The elder Luthor asked, his fingers reaching out to touch his son's face. I pushed the hand away, barely able to resist the urge to squeeze it into a million little pieces. "You were always an overly sensitive child, and now it seems as though you've given yourself some sort of a complex, created these—I don't even know how to describe these accusations."

"No! Don't you dare. Don't even think about it—no. If you're going to stand there and talk to me like I've lost my mind then I'm not going to bother. I'll walk out of here with Clark and never come back. Stop trying to save face. Clark saw everything when he as in my head." This ashen, horrified look came over Lionel's face, and his shoulders and his head slumped downward.

"I have done several things of which I am not proud, and the—there is no excuse for what I did to you, and I can only pray that one day you can be a better man than I was, and that you will—can—forgive me."

"That's it huh?" Lex asked, anxiously, scratching his head a little, even though I knew that there wasn't an actual itch. It was a nervous habit. He did this a lot when he was scared. "You say you're _not proud _of what you did, and ask for my forgiveness, and magically everything is okay again? I don't even—this is—I can't—you…" Lex (and I) was shocked by Lionel's statements, and to be perfectly honest, I didn't think he'd actually apologized at this point. I didn't blame him for not knowing how to react. I didn't know what to do or say either, and so for what seemed like a really long time, we continued to stand there staring at each other, while I tried to keep from tearing the older one in half.


	3. TV Show

AN: This is going in a completely different direction than on the show, mainly that Lionel is Clark's mortal enemy, and not Lex

AN: This is going in a completely different direction than on the show, mainly that Lionel is Clark's mortal enemy, and not Lex. I'm changing a lot of stuff, and oh yeah a major warning, there is a fairly graphic rape scene in this chapter, but don't worry, if you don't want to read that it'll be easy to avoid as I have marked it with a whole bunch of exclamation marks and the words RAPE SCENE written before and after it. ;-)

"I wish I could come home  
To a life like the one that I use to know  
I wish I could some day see everything back the way it use to be  
Where no one cries, no one screams  
No one hits you, and no one leaves  
Everybody knows how the story ends  
All the bad guys lose and the good guys win  
I wish I could do it all over again," Everclear.

"Damnit, Lionel! Apologize to your son; he needs it, badly," I screamed, but I didn't really expect much. I wanted to believe Lionel was a good man more than anyone, but the longer the act went on, the more I learned about their family, the more I came to realize that it just wasn't possible. Lex's dad was a vampire, a real life monster, who's only goal in life was and always would be, to turn an innocent child (his own son no less) into the exact same thing. Suddenly, I understood why the man was so desperate for my mother's love and my approval. We were like another family, and I his second chance to mold a young man into the perfect successor.

"I'm not going to apologize when I haven't done anything wrong. Certainly my parenting skills could never match those of Jonathan and Martha Kent, but then again Lex was never the sort of son who—." If Alexander had been unable to interrupt exactly when he did, I would have cut Lionel off at the exact same second.

"Don't," he said, in a forceful tone, but the sound was so soft it made him sound weak, and scared. Now all I wanted to do was drag Lionel up to the Arctic, drag him out into the middle of nowhere, beat the bastard senseless and leave him to die in the snow and ice. When the old man chuckled, it took every once of self control I had not to punch him.

"You raped him, when he was still just a toddler, committed unspeakable atrocities, but you don't think you have done anything to apologize for? I swear to God, if I had a gun—consider yourself lucky that _I'm_ more human than you could ever be, even if you went back in time and stopped yourself from hurting that sweet, wonderful, amazing, beautiful, innocent, little boy."

"Even if I did those—even if I had done what Lex claims I did, that was more than a life time ago. He should have gotten over minor childhood traumas by now. The problem is that my son is too weak to stand up for himself. Lex, may I present you with a hypothetical situation? Let's say a father did—ohh, look at that. Lex," Lionel paused, laughing again, reaching to stroke his son's face. "You're so beautiful. I stopped giving you my affection and I must have made you feel so ugly…you're still my special, special little guy, understand? No, you couldn't possibly…let me show you." Lionel pressed the lower half of his body against Lex, making it painfully obvious that his stubby, little cock was hard as a rock. Then he stepped back, holding Lex's quivering body by the shoulders. "You see, _that's_ exactly why I've been able to do everything I ever wanted to you. Such a weak, pathetic, little pussy—and as for you, Clark…I suppose it won't make much of a difference if I let my plans be known. There is a safety deposit box in Zurich that contains materials collected by Dr. Virgil Swann, to be used—only if necessary—to control you. Completely. It's only a matter of time before they belong to me."

Then Lionel grabbed onto me, ground his crotch into mine, squeezing my butt with his meaty palm. "Lex, you should take a few days off, to—recuperate from the gunshot wound. That's all anyone need know." He left, and Alexander raced off so quickly that I almost believed he had super speed too. Using my x-ray vision, I found him upstairs, hiding in a closet, seated on the floor, hugging his knees. I knocked, once.

"It's me, Clark—can I come in?" Lex didn't stand up or move, but did nod a little. "I'm opening the door now. See, just boring, ol' Clark Kent." I tried to smile so he'd feel better, but nothing I could think of helped. "Can I sit down next to you?"

"Hold me again?" Alexander whispered, tugging on my shirt sleeve. We spent most of the morning on the floor with him clinging to me, while I wondered what (if anything) I could do to stop Lionel from hurting either one of us. "We need a plan," he finally blurted out after a very long time. "If Lionel learns how to control _you_ then nobody will be able to stop him from…taking over the world or something."

"We can make him stop. We won't let him do anything bad to either of us every again okay? The two of us are a team, Lex Luthor and Clark Kent, the dynamic duo." He only smiled for about a second, but I knew it was a start.

My father always hated the Luthors, and for years I stood up for Lex, because we were in love, because he was trying really hard, because I was his only friend in the whole world. Even after what happened to Lana, after years of him spying on me, my keeping secrets, both of us hurting each other, and what happened to my dad durring the senate race, Lex was still—by far—the lesser of two evils. That day I knew there wasn't anything I could do, so I spent the afternoon comforting and consoling the small, frightened child part of Lex, fully prepared for the other part to make an appearance (which never happened) while I tried to figure out what we should do next. Much later, when he seemed to have calmed down, I decided to attempt to talk about things, and maybe even come up with the early attempt at a plan of action.

"Can I ask you a question?" Even as recently as a few months before, Lex would have responded to me by saying something like "you just did," but this time he nodded. "Lionel said Dr. Swann created or found the thing in the safety deposit box. But he never mentioned it to me. The two of us used to talk a lot, maybe there was something he wanted to tell me, but couldn't, or didn't have a chance. What if he left me something, a letter or an artifact only I can read—but nobody would know what it was. Lex we have to find his stuff, it could be anywhere! Who knows where it might of gotten sent?"

"I do. I know where it might be," he whispered. I put my hands on top and under his, holding it gently, carefully. "Patricia's got all of her dad's stuff…I think. It's weird too, 'cuz she's been calling me lately. Left a long message with my personal assistant, but the point was that maybe she knows something."

"Do you want me to get the phone and bring it in here?" I ask, still holding him like we did the whole night before, for another half an hour before he responded. He straightened up his shoulders, pulling away from me slightly, while still holding onto my hand. The whole time he was on the phone with Patricia Swann, he seemed stronger, but still quiet, passive even. His behavior was more like it was when we first met than it had been the last few years. I listened in a little, but most of it was fairly boring…until they got to the bit about "The Traveler."

"Patti, I think I've found the one you're looking for, actually…I know I have. The problem is, my father knows the truth too, and Lionel really wants to hurt him."

"I was afraid of that," the voice on the other end other line said flatly. "What exactly did your father say? Did he actually threaten your friend?" I tried to picture her, but all I saw was Dr. Swan with long hair and breasts. It was weird.

"Lionel mentioned a safety deposit box in Switzerland. I can only remember bits and pieces from my childhood, before the meteor shower, but I know he has the key in a locket around his neck." Lex held the pone in one hand, running the other over his scalp.

"Your father has _a _key," Patricia Swann told us, in that obnoxious, 'I'm going to pause here to let you know how important what I'm about to say is' voice that Lionel, Dr Swann, and Oliver Queen all use. _It must be a rich person thing_, I thought to myself. "But you need two keys to open the box, and _I _have the second." Over the next hour and half Lex and Patti talked about Veritas, the traveler, and made plans for the three of us to get together about a week later.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

When Lex and I planned to meet with Dr. Swann's daughter, I had no way of knowing that I wouldn't be able to make it. The original idea was for me to go home and check on Kara and Lana—who were fine, and actually pissed off at me for interrupting what was—apparently—a four-day-long love making session.

"We're going for the record," Kara had giggled, standing up off the bed, her naked body moving closer and closer to me. "Now go away before we make you join us…" I raced out to the barn, which is where it all went down. One minute I was just standing there, minding my own business, standing in the hayloft, picking up a few things to bring to the mansion, then these hooks came out of nowhere, pricing my skin, tearing up my chest, and electricity raced all up and down and through me. I passed out before seeing who was attacking me, but I had a pretty good idea all the same.

I awoke several hours later in a daze, my body broken, bloody, and bruised, like someone had taken advantage of my incapacitation, using it to kick the crap out of me (or worse) for a while. At first I laughed at the idea that somebody had put _me_ in a cage. Doubting my original theory of Lionel being responsible for my kidnapping, I headed towards the bars, but when I tried to rip them open, the cell began to glow green, and I got that sickly feeling again. _Kryptonite_, I thought, _definitely Lionel._

"Let me out of here!" I shouted, only to be rewarded with another excruciating shock, and a command from the ceiling, telling me to be quiet, and sit still. A couple of shocks later, I could barley lift my head to look up when the cage door opened, let alone so much as think about escaping. I saw a dark shadowy figure enter the cell, and prayed for it to be Lex.

!!WARNING RAPE SCENE!!

"Hello, Kal-el," the dark man said, crouch beside my body. "I must apologize for Pierce's behavior. He's used to dealing with more hostile creatures. Don't worry; he won't hurt you any longer."

"You," I muttered, still struggling to catch my breath. I had wanted to say, '_I guess it's your turn_," but at the time, even speaking was too difficult. Lionel made a soft shushing sound, his fingers running through my hair as he whispered into my ear, something about how he had been watching me for all these years and what a beautiful man I turned out to be. I squeezed my eyes shut tight, trying to concentrate on the dull ache in the pit of my stomach and shoulder rather than his hands, especially when he lifted my shirt up over my head, touching me in all the wrong places, forcing me to remember that he was the one doing the things to me. I felt both pleasure and pain, good and bad, intense desire and guilt, all at the same time. When I was pushed up on my hands and knees, two strong, hairy arms clamped down on my hands, holding me up, I squeezed my lids even tighter, pretending that Lex was making love to me rather than his father doing…something else, but nothing really seemed to help.

Lionel slid his cock into me, without any sort of lubricant (something that ordinarily wouldn't bother me) and I was so weakened by the kryptonite that it felt like he was fucking me with a telephone pole wrapped in barbed wire. I old myself I wouldn't cry, despite the burning pain behind my eyes, and the heavy sobs building up in my chest, but every inch of my body refused to follow the commands my brain was sending out.

I told my cock not to get hard when he touched me, but it did. I told my arms to stop shaking, but they wouldn't. I told my mouth to keep quiet, but it let out a yelp each time he'd thrust into me, and I tried to tell myself that I couldn't cry in front of Lionel but the hot tears poured down my face all the same. Then, between the combination of Lionel's fingers playing with my dick and balls, and his own throbbing member slamming into all the most sensitive parts of my alien anatomy, it wasn't long before cum spewed out of me, all over his fingers, and the floor of my cage.

"That's a good boy," he told me in the same voice he'd used a few days earlier when calling Lex his special, special little guy. "Now, now, don't cry. There's no need for that. Just you rest here, and I'll come back for you later."

!!RAPE SCENE ENDING!!

In my whole life I had never been so frightened by anything as much as those words scared me. He made the shushing noise again, and I used every ounce of strength left in my body to keep from sobbing hysterically until after he had disappeared. I knew Lionel was watching me from somewhere but at least he wasn't in the room.

The next few hours were a haze of pain, fear and nausea, but I couldn't be sure whether which was worse, remembering or not remembering. I don't remember how long I was there, or the exact, specific thoughts that ran through my head during my stay at 33.1. I do remember the smell of the place, especially after all the times that guy shocked the crap out of me; it was dry and sterile, but coppery, and sickening. I remember feeling cold, so unbearably cold, and wondering if I was going to die. I remember wanting to die, thinking that anything would be better than waiting for Lionel to come back and hurting me again. I don't remember throwing up, but it must have happened at some point, whether from pain, or fear, or what I don't know, because I do remember the stench of the vomit, which seemed overwhelmingly disgusting. And, last but not least, I remember the sound of glass shattering, the light exploding from the hole in my cage, the person outside angelically illuminated, the sudden warmth and comfort as Lex entered the room, his face unable to hide just how worried about me he was. I remember realizing that I did not feel much of anything until he came and rescued me.

_It's over,_ I thought to myself, but I was wrong, and it wasn't. I had a long way to go, Lex and I both had a long way to go before we could be safe, happy, an incredible journey that would forever change the course of both of our lives. I think, even at the time, I knew that we still had a lot to do, and that there was really only one possible outcome, but I didn't want to think about those things. Lex helped me up onto my feet, pulling the clothes back onto my body, and supporting me as we limped out of the building.

"How did you know where to look for me?"

"Lana and Chloe accused me of kidnapping you. They showed up with Kara demanding I let you go. I had nothing to hide so I let them tap into the Luthorcorp database where we found that Lionel had built that place. I told them to let me come for you. Wanted to keep them out of my father's crosshairs," Lex explained when n we were in the car. The conversation was stiff, awkward, like he knew exactly what I had been through (how could he not, I was curled up on the floor, naked, quivering, and bleeding?) but was experienced enough with this not to make me discuss it before I was ready, and yet it was the only thing we should have been talking about.

"It was like—it was sort of like being with you, only, I don't know how to—it was—"

"There aren't any words that will accurately describe it. You don't have to tell me this until you're—I," suddenly the stronger, angry, powerful but less than nice Lex disappeared and was replaced by the other version of his personality. "I don't how to help you, 'cuz nothing ever worked for me, so…well, Clark, you know how I feel, right?" I nodded, grabbing onto him, burying my face in his chest, and began to cry again. "I won't let this happen again. I won't! Pat gave me her key, and I thought. Maybe we should hide it somewhere—together."

"We can put it in the fortress," I suggested, lifting my head slightly. "If you wanna see it, you can come with me, but you're gonna need a heavy coat, hat, scarf, and gloves."

"Where is it, Alaska?"

"Umm, actually in the Arctic. Drive to the farm, I'll explain the rest of it on our way there." As we drove, I told Alexander everything I could think of, about the ship, my parents, my abilities and how I got/ developed them, Jor-el and Lara, and pretty much anything else I could think of because it felt better than thinking about Lionel's rippling body, and his stubby little cock, sticking straight out at—no!

Then I took him to the fortress of solitude where we were greeted by the booming voice of my biological father. Alexander looked around the room in amazement, studying everything carefully, his hands hanging just over the panels and crystals, but not actually touching them.

"What brings you to me this time Kal-el?"

"You made a mistake! The man you turned into your emissary wants to _hurt_ me. He said there's something here, a way he can control me! Why didn't you say anything about this before?"

"I knew it was possible, my son, but did not feel the need to burden you with concerns unless it became absolutely necessary. You have brought an item which you would like to store in the fortress, correct?"

"It's a key for a box in a bank. My father has the other one. He's, um—he's dangerous and I'd hate to think what he could do if Clark had to do everything he said. My father is a monster and I don't—" Alexander stopped, running his hand over his head several times.

"What has he done to you Kal-el?" My father asked, as though he already knew everything. I was too scared to really speak so I only shrugged and looked away. "And he has assaulted you in the same manner?" Jor-el turned his attention back to Lex, who I had, desperately, wanted to protect and take care of. I hated the idea of him interrogating that sweet, scared little boy, especially right now.

"Not since I was about nine-years-old," The boy admitted his eyes still huge with amazement as he looked all around the room again, like an explorer after a great find. Jor-el seemed genuinely horrified by the idea.

"On a child?" He bellowed. Alexander raced towards me and hid out of sight, behind my back. "Sometimes I forget how far these humans have to advance in their society before they catch up with us, Kal-el. You must prevent this man from finding this item, my son. Do whatever it takes to stop him, whatever it takes," he said, and then shut down.

"What do you mean?" I shouted, but of course there was no response. "And—Brainiac is back. I think he's back. I don't know what to do about him. How do I stop Lionel? You're not expecting me to kill someone are you? Are you?" Alexander shifted his gaze towards mine, stepping out in front of me again. "I don't know if I can do that!" I screamed at the empty fortress again. "What am I gonna do?"

"I have no idea what we should do, but for now I think we should go home. Maybe after some rest, we'll be more able to come up with a real plan, he told me on the way back to the mansion.

"You said we."

"Yeah, well, I was hoping that it wouldn't be a problem. I don't like the direction I was headed. So, if you'll have me, I'd really like for us to still be a team—if you don't mind, please…"

"I like we."

"Me too."

"What are _we _gonna do about Lionel?" I asked, even though he had already answered me less than thirty seconds earlier. Alexander sighed, lifted up my hand, and squeezed it tightly.

Then he looked me right in the yes and said, "I'm sorry, but I haven't really come up with something yet, but I think—Jor-el was right. We have to do whatever it takes. I can't let my father turn you into his personal slave. I can't let it happen to you, and I can't let him use you take over the world. We've got to stop him. We've just got to."


End file.
